Clients and where is my margarita?

Sometimes in one's life when one deals with clients, one gets a client that is a real charmer (okay, that was sarcasm.) I got a new client today. Let's call her Client P. She is a real pain in the gazoink. She has been a great challenge to her sales rep, account person, current project manager as well as having a reputation in the support department as being a... how shall we say it? Challenge. I LOVE IT! I called her introduce myself because I am working on a new project for her (standard operations).

My call -
Me: Hi, Client P. My name is Mrs. Han Solo. I'm with Company X and I am working on your new project.
She: Look, I'm really busy. I just want to know when it is going to be done. (She has been told by several people that I will supply her this information.)
Me: September 20 is our target date. Of course, if we can get it done sooner, we will.
She: That is unacceptable. It HAS to be done in 4 weeks.
Me: Well, you do have lots of custom work -
She (cutting me off): I was told it would be done in 3 to 7 weeks. Why is it taking so long? (After weeks of negotiation, which is NORMAL, it just got into our queue this week....)
Me: Today is the official production start day...
She: I need it in writing. You need to email it to me
(I get a document with this information from my boss, which he prints out and puts in the project folder. Again, our normal process.)
Me: I can fax it to you.
She: What? You don't have email? (Like I am an idiot or something. It's all in the tone, as my mother would say.)
Me: Of course I have email. I will send it to you electronically.
She: It needs to be done in 4 weeks. Your sales person said that it would be done. I don't understand what is taking so long.
Me: Let me talk to your sales rep and we will call you back.

So, she has issues with patience. I can tell. She is nagging the account person, sales and the guy working on her other project about this. She seems (from what they have indicated) to make changes all of the time. She has no patience. Did I say that already? I freakin' love it! I really want to tell her where she can stick it, but that'd be rude. After all, she IS a client. So I emailed her a very polite response after the sales guy left her a message assuring her we will do our best to accommodate her scheduling needs. At the time, her only reason for 4 weeks was because we were taking too long. Hello! Custom work takes TIME. Shut up!!

Time for a margarita. Where is my cabana boy? I am so firing him for being inattentive.

On the lighter side, I have Client El, who tells me he can't remember much of our conversation yesterday because the day before he was in the jacuzzi too long. That was the beginning of a hilarious conversation with him where I had to repeat almost everything I had reviewed with him yesterday. He seems like a SoCal skater dude who got stuck in a job he doesn't have much love for. (I think he likes talking with me too.) He cracks me up. He said his controller was out taking a smoke and he didn't know when she'd be back. I asked him if she was smokin' weed. Uh, I am sure it is inappropriate for the workplace, but he loved it. ha ha ha