Still sick...spring fever...and would you like some whine with that?

Before I really get going, I would like to say that I am soooo not interested in commercials about penial rectal disfunction. DO YOU GET ME?

The Weekend –

As I was still sick, I didn’t do much this past weekend. I watched DVDs, did laundry and saw “Sin City” with Elissa, her husband Rocky and their friend Mark. It was a pretty good graphic novel-to-film. I think it was very typical of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarrantino in the style. I thought the characters were interesting. Mickey Roarke really surprised me with how good he was. It’s a violent film and not for kids. It’s presented in black and white with some shades of red now and then. Most of the time, when the characters would bleed, they would bleed red blood. One of the more quirky characters was yellow and spurted yellow. I think there was also green and maybe blue. All used sparingly.

I am nearing the end of this cold cough thing, but it is such an annoyance to have allergies AND a cold. It was also an absolutely GORGEOUSSSSSS day outside today. I wish I could have just lounged on my beach chair, sipping margaritas while Pablo fanned me and massaged my back. THAT would have been perfect! Alas, that was not to be.

The following part of this blog is pretty much a gripe session. So, if you don’t want to read about my whines and complaints, come back tomorrow.


First I have to say that I have allowed myself to get so stressed out this week that I didn’t exercise (which I am SURE would have helped) and I am eating whatever I can. I have really carbed out. It’s a good thing that some piece of self-control is still in place so that I don’t have junk food in the house and I won’t stop at the store to buy it. So, when I stress eat, I am stuck with the crap I already have. I am sure I am doing some nice damage even without the candy bars, ice cream and nachos.

I am still congested. The positive thing is that taking Zicam I think helped more than any of the Niquil or Dayquil. In the morning, as I got ready for work, I called the Vermont Tax people. They had sent me a letter about some kind of adjustment. Turns out they didn’t get the right or all the paperwork they needed, so I have to fax them. I took the paperwork to the office with every intention of faxing them. No such luck. I remembered as I walked to my car. I MUST remember to do that tomorrow.

Work was crazy busy. I have several clients, each with their own issues and needs of course. I was told earlier in the week that Client W and Client B were my top priorities, no matter what. Anything else was secondary. I have had a big struggle trying to get in touch with Client W and Client B was panic-mode about their old site being shut off. I was told I had to get approval on W and B this week. In the meantime, I have other clients who want attention and need my eyes on it. Yesterday, I was asked about my other clients - what was the status and when did I think they would be done? Admittedly, I was a little snappy back. You want me to focus on these top priorities so why would I even know about the others? I know I have time management and multi-tasking problems. Also, I refuse to work at home. I come in on the weekends and work for a couple of hours. Does that help? I just don’t really know. Today I had a breakdown. I can’t say that it really had anything to do with being sick. No, I wasn’t on the rag. (That was the problem I had over the weekend.) I was just really unhappy and felt harassed. Updates, get it done, Mrs. Han Solo. Don’t you know how important it is? You need to take this more seriously. Two or three times I had to step out to calm down and cool off. The last time, I even took a drive for 15 minutes. I cried. I tried not to cry in the office. That would have been embarrassing and I don’t want to have people thinking I am unstable. Maybe that’s really what I am. Unstable. Or bi-polar. Okay. I realize that isn’t funny, but I don’t know what else to say about my range of emotions. One of my co-workers commented on how this is a multiple day of me being grumpy and pissy. Well ¾ I am. So what if I am not being happy, singing damn musicals, whistling, crakin’ jokes? I can be pissy if I damn well feel like it. I am always pleasant to my clients. Even the royal pains in the assi like Client W and Client TC. I don’t always understand what I am doing or who to ask to help me understand what I am doing. I understand the company is about making money. And I am very happy to be getting a paycheck. And I DO like the job (though I think it really sucks this week.) I do like the people. I do like Burlington. I am not a sales person and have bad skills in that area. I just don’t have what it takes to sell. It’s not my job to sell. I am also a bad liar and when a client asks me something, I have a hard time stretching the facts. I have always been like that. I am a project manager with a really annoying sense of needing to have good customer service. I have a problem when we are so focused on the dollar that we ignore good customer service. Years at Mauschwitz and other customer oriented places has done that to me. It’s something I struggle with weekly here. It took me 15 years to create that customer service, co-dependent, #$% Pollyanna and heaven help me if it takes me that long to break that way of thinking. I think it is breaking out of me whether I like it or not. I need to go with the flow. I have begun to be okay with our tools not working perfectly. But I still have a hard time telling my client that they need to approve something when I feel I really haven’t finished my end of it. It’s just business. Try to remember that Mrs. Han Solo. If I do what is expected of me (based on certain requirements on paper) then why do I hold on? Let it go, let it go.

Tonight’s resolution: Work 40 hours. Contact each client even if it’s only an email for 5 mins of time. Leave after an 8 hour day. Don’t work on the weekend. Don’t take anything personally. Tell whoever you need to to lay off, and not stress you out. Tell the clients not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.