All About My Mother Part 1

January 8, 2008 I got a call from my brother that said that mom wasn't doing well. She had gotten an infection the week before and was refusing to go to dialysis or to the doctor. The last time she had been at dialysis the center told my dad that it was time to make funeral arrangements. Long story short, they didn't know how long she would have and I needed to get out there. She had also stopped eating and was resistant to even liquids.

January 9, 2008 I was on a plane to California to say good bye to my mother. When I arrived at the house in the early afternoon, I went in to see her. She was looking so frail, pale and laying down. There was an oxygen tube in her nose. It was unsettling to say the least to see her like that. My Aunt Gail was already there and my sister Merry and husband Dwight were on their way from Northern California. Though now it has become a little blurry, the second day to the last day of my mother's life I spent time with my sister, brother, aunt and father crying and being numb.

A woman from the Hospice Center came to talk to us about what to expect in the last hours and to give us support. She talked about the physical changes that happen when a person is close to death - rapid breathing, like panting and gutteral sounds. She told us that our family was one of the most touching and sad family situations she had ever seen. We asked her why and she said it was because we were all calm and seemingly at peace. There was no fighting, yelling or anger of any kind. I don't know if that's because we were all so numb, but I think it mostly had to do with our believe in God and and the afterlife.

Mom was dying. There was nothing we could do about it. What was the point of fighting, arguing or any of that crap. It was important to spend whatever time I could with her and the rest of my family. The next 27 hours were amazing, sad, and nothing I had ever experienced before.