It's dark outside and inside.

The sun is just about gone now at around 6pm. Welcome winter.

But this post is mainly about giving into my depression. Now don't go off with concern that I am so depressed I would do something drastic. Have no fear. I am not that stupid. And there are lots of things I really enjoy about life. So hang up from calling 911. I am just going through a year of adjustment and with that comes some depression. (Plus I think I am PMSing, which blows EVERYTHING out of proportion. ha ha) There is hope. There is a very, very tiny spark that I think was once Sporty Girl. She's a-fightin' to survive. Right now though, evil Kdar really enjoys being depressed. Yeah, there's therapy. But with my time management issues, I just can't find the time to call anybody. I know. Most therapists have voice mail or some form of leaving messages. Maybe I will work on that tomorrow. Today I am blogging about being depressed. So there.

I have this really big project with Client Dutch that has just two weeks more. It has been beaten into my head that this MUST go by November 20 (which is a Sunday, fyi). That's fine with me because I will be going out of town on the 19. Anyhoo, it's not as complicated as Client D was, so I think I will be fine. It gives me something to do instead of thinking about how depressed I am. But in my wallow of self pity (I do like those pity parties now and again...) I tell myself that I really have nothing else to do, so if I work 12-14 hours a day, that's something to do.

But you are probably saying,"There are plenty of things to do outside of the office! What about the bowling you did last winter? (yes, I may do that again, but I won't be able to do it until Dec. 1) What about your writing? (I just don't feel like writing, though that is probably EXACTLY why I SHOULD write.) What about your friends? (Uh - I can't even get into that one as it is one of my big issues spawning the depression.) What about joining a club? (I look from time to time and haven't found anything.) What about church? (I go. I am in fact, going on a retreat next weekend. That should be nice. I haven't gotten involved though with anything from that church. That's a problem for me. But as of today, this moment, I don't want to put out the effort.) What about hanging out in bars? (Too expensive and who wants to go to a bar ALONE?) What about prostitution? (Seriously, I am not THAT much in need of attention.) What about Bingo on Monday nights at the Elks Lodge (Okay, I said before I was going to do that. And I still will. Really I will.)"

Then of course there is the conversation I have with myself about getting into therapy. "Make the time. It's important to your physical and mental health." Blah, blah, blah. I know that. I don't need anybody telling me that I need to do that. Not to sound psycho, but I have enough conversations about what I should and shouldn't do with myself.

I do know that one thing that might help a little bit will be getting a part time job. I could do a seasonal thing. I know I have mentioned that before. That also goes to my time management I guess. I have been looking in the papers, but not too hard. I also should just go to the mall and fill out job apps. That might work. There is also Kmart, and grocery stores. That would be swell. Who knows what will come up? I also had a brief fantasy that I would be so inspired to pull my head out of my ass of depression that I went to the gym EVERY DAY! I know, you don't need to tell me that excercise can help with depression. I KNOW THAT! But I go back to being lazy and the evil Kdar enjoying the strangle hold she has on Sporty Girl.

Plus, I have this big project...